Anyone who has ever been to Las Vegas is painfully aware of the illegal immigrant situation, as a walk down the Strip is met with dozens of Mexicans handing out cards for call girls while wearing hilarious shirts with ‘GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS’ and other slogans written all over it. The “job” is not only limited to men, but the women as well adding a great hilarious twist. To keep ourselves occupied and laughing I instituted a 12 hour period where I would take every single hand out thrown in my face, and the experience was so fun it made our Top 5 Las Vegas Experiences list.
Experience #4 – Handouts from the Illegals
After days of watching the immigrants hand out fliers for nudie girls and unsavoury guys touting free club passes and tickets to bad comedy shows, we instituted our mission.
The mission: Collect All Handouts in 12 Hours
Starting at noon on our final full day in Vegas, the mission began. 12pm to 12am – a good stretch of time to do a little collecting. In order to have a proper collection we established a few rules, namely that we will not go out of our way to collect handouts and only accept those that were thrust in our face.
One thing we did not factor in was that we had a 24 hour Deuce pass during this time so we missed many opportunities to pick up more hand outs. Interestingly enough, or half dozen or so interactions with the hand outs gave us a great hoard of trinkets:
66 playing card sized hand outs for call girls
3 large magazines for call girls
1 Las Vegas “quick guide”
1 $10 off coupon to see Brad Garrett (who I saw walking around)
2 can cozies from the Academy of Country Music Awards
Discounted tickets for the Monorail
2 ads for BB King’s Blues Club
Free tickets to Nathan Burton Comedy
1 ad for Hash House A Go Go (where we ate at earlier in our trip – amazing)
The Illegal Handouts Won
The whole project was designed entirely for the collection of the hand outs from the illegals. At the beginning we thought we might get 15 or 20 cards, but we soon realized that every handout came in giant clumps of 5, 6, 7 or more in one grab. There was an eerie sense of desperation during the handout meetings as grabbing from one resulted in us being surrounded by all of the illegals as they tried to all offload their wares on us. This makes us think that they may be required to stay out until they give all of their cards away, but this could just be backwards thinking.
The True Cost of an “Escort”
Escorts, as advertised on the handout cards, are surprisingly cheap. Although the rate is not explicitly stated on the cards as per hour or evening, the prices can range anywhere from $35-$200 for one or two girls. My deepest suspicion is that the call girls look nothing like they do on the cards, as the ones we’ve seen walking around the hotels and the strip, well, look like they are worth $35. Whether or not that is the case, we’ll just have to find out next time. An interview perhaps? Only time will tell. Now we just have to decide what to do with all of these handouts that are cluttering up our bag.